


The Epic Tale of 6969

by KittyGodspeed118



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Bromance, Gen, How do i even describe this in tags, NSP, epic shit, ninja sex party, protecting the galaxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 22:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6445060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyGodspeed118/pseuds/KittyGodspeed118
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holy fuck, I'm in love with the song 6969 from the Attitude City album and couldn't resist writing a full length story about the adventure that takes place in it. Like, this is something I literally HAVE to do. I won't forgive myself if I don't do it. Also, I needed a change of pace, something in the balance between fluff/smut and angst. Gonna add some things too, just to make the story a little smoother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Epic Tale of 6969

Danny filed his nails, idly humming as he watched the girl he'd been having sex with get dressed. That day in particular had been full of sexual conquests. Ninja Brian meditated in the living room, opening his eyes occasionally to murder someone with his laser vision. A second girl scampered out of the bedroom, her shorts halfway on as she opened the door to follow the first girl out. Brian glared at them both for being ignorant, noisy clods, but didn't bother moving.

"Briaaaaan," Dan whined, flopping onto the couch next to the ninja. "I'm bored!"

Brian looked over, his eyebrows suggesting that he didn't give a fuck. Dan groaned loudly, digging his fingers through his messy hair. His eyes widened suddenly as he grabbed Brian's shoulders.

"Dude, I totally forgot, but I built a time machine spaceship thing a few weeks ago. We should like, use it or something. Wanna?"

Brian thought for a moment, weighing his options. If he stayed home, Dan would probably fuck up all of history and get himself killed. If he went, he could prevent Dan's fucking stupid decisions from ruining too much. He rolled his eyes and nodded slowly. Someone had to save the day.

"Yeah? Cool," Dan said triumphantly, rushing back into his bedroom and dashing back in a blue spacesuit. "Get your spacesuit on!"

Brian rolled his big blue eyes and snapped, instantly wearing a slightly different black suit with his symbols on it. He's just fucking magical like that. Dan gasped eagerly and took Brian's hand in his, rushing out of the apartment and into the basement. To Brian's surprise, there was an actual time machine, well-built and very much real.

"I had an orgy with a bunch of engineer students and built this when we got shitfaced," Dan explained, opening the hatch. "Apparently on top of being super hot, I'm a genius."

Brian rolled his eyes and got into the machine. Dan kicked back, lounging as Brian fiddled with the controls.

"We're headed into the future," Dan said dramatically. "We're headed into a future so fucking advanced that nothing but sex matters. Are you ready, Ninja Brian?"

Brian shook his head. Dan would probably be having all the sex and he would have to clean up after him. Dan grabbed Brian's shoulders and grinned.

"We're going to the year 6969! Get fucking pumped!"

Brian shrugged, either unimpressed or just too tired to register the amazing journey they were about to embark on. The machine rattled to life, whirring softly. It felt similar to an airplane taking off. The engine growled excited as the space ship warped through time.

"I bet there's orgies for days, just like the ones in Ancient Greece," Dan mused eagerly, practically drooling. "Every night, there's hours and hours of mindless sex in oceans of whipped cream! Do you think the girls wear lingerie or nothing at all? Fuck, what if drugs are legal then too?! Imagine passing pills out like candy, getting shitfaced an' the haze of weed filling the metropolis," he gushed, practically jumping out of his chair.

Brian shrugged again, genuinely intrigued by the notion. He was usually in it for the murder, but this was the first time they'd be travelling into the future. Sure, they went back in time to save a hot princess, but going into the sexiest year so far into the future that everyone in history is probably dead was completely different.

The ride seemed to go by incredibly fast, only taking what felt like twenty minutes or so. The galaxy seemed to swirl around them, warping in an almost hallucinogenic haze. They landed shortly after and Dan eagerly kicked the bay door open. His pulse was racing with adrenaline as he braced himself for all the orgies and other sexy activities. Brian stepped out carefully, two blades peeking from his sleeves.

"Oh my fucking god," Dan breathed, almost struck speechless by what greeted him.

Even Brian's eyes widened in disbelief. The landscape was gray and dull, rubble and debris littering the cracked pavement. People trudged down the streets, everyone clad in loose pants and baggy turtleneck sweaters. It was Danny's nightmare come to life. No one dared enter anyone else's personal space. Dan clenched his fists as his eyes were drawn to an electronic sign on the side of a building. This building seemed to be the only one completely intact. It appeared to be a type of arena, similar to where a concert might be held. Even so, it was just as dead as the rest of its surroundings.

"Human contact and displays of affection are against the law and are offences punishable by execution or imprisonment," Dan read slowly, utter shock overcoming him.

He cried out in horror at the masses of people walking slowly through the town. The people of this time were almost as gray as the land around them, all colors muted and dull. Dan and Brian stood out like hard dicks. Dan slung his trusty blue bass onto his back and pushed Brian behind a decaying tree. A man with graying brown hair and glass blue eyes sat at the base of the tree, his turtleneck torn and bloodied. He looked like what Brian would be if he ever took his mask off, in fact.

"Finally," the man whispered, weakly grinning at the duo. "It took you assholes long enough."

"Who are you?" Dan asked, suddenly whispering as well.

"That's not important," the blue-eyed man grunted, pointing to that arena where the sign was held. "Pay attention now, idiots. Seek out the Dick Elders. If the prophecy isn't bullshit, you two are the last hope for humankind."

"Look, you weird old dude, I just came here to fuck, alright? What the fuck is this shit about a prophecy," Dan demanded, kneeling down in front of the man.

Brian stood still, staring daggers at the elder guy who seemed to be him in the future. His arms were crossed firmly over his chest. Something about looking into the eyes of himself was scientific bullshit and he didn't approve. Even so, he remained calm.

"Legend tells of two men, one dressed in a stupid blue spandex outfit and the other being a talented ninja, that travel through time and save the world from this reign of absolute bullshit."

"And you think that's us?"

Even Brian turned to look at Dan with a stare of absolute awe. How could he stand to be around someone so fucking stupid? He rolled his eyes and looked at the bloodied stranger as if to pardon the dumb question. The stranger groaned and continued, coughing violently before smiling weakly.

"Yeah, he doesn't get any smarter in the future," he chuckled, addressing the ninja. "Now, get going. You've got shit to do."

Dan nodded with determination, grabbing Brian's hand and dragging him along. The arena stood out with its bright lights and vibrant atmosphere. Even with the incredible neon colors, something wicked could be felt in the air. Dan kept his hand at the ready, similar to a Western film protagonist, eager to grab his weapon, or bass at any time.

"State your business," a robot ordered when they reached the entrance.

"We need to see the Dick Elders."

The robot surveyed them with a watchful camera-like eye. After a bit of waiting, it led them inside and to a long table of terrifying men. The one in the center had a particularly terrifying face, set in a permanent scowl.

"What do you want," he demanded, his voice almost harsh enough to intimidate both Dan and Brian.

"Hello, Dick Elders, I'm Danny Sexbang and this is Ninja Brian. We're musicians from a year far behind your own," Dan explained nobly, trying to stand tall despite being absolutely horrified. "We were told you'd be able to help us figure out what's happening. I don't know how often you go outside, but it looks fucking brutal out there, man. It's dull and boring and everything sucks because no one else can. We've come from the past to introduce you to ass. Sex makes the world go round and we believe your power can help us restore sexy peace to the land."

One elder leaned over to the one in the center and murmured something. He gritted his teeth, eyes widening with realization.

"You're Ninja Sex Party, hm?"

"From the past, I guess? Whatever. Yeah, that's us."

The Elder rolled his eyes and clenched his fists. In that timeline, the Elders had executed Danny Sexbang and stopped his sexual revolution before it gained any traction. That was how they seized power. And just a few hours before, Ninja Brian was found trying to carry on the legacy of his deceased band mate. He was also supposed to be executed, but put up one hell of a fight. Because of that, they had to settle for shooting him and letting him bleed out.

"Kill them," the Elder muttered to the robotic guards that stood behind them at the table.

Brian's instinct kicked in and he threw down a smoke bomb, grabbing Dan's hand and yanking him into the smoke. They teleported outside the arena, back to the tree where Brian's older self was. The body was no longer moving and neither of them knew what to say.

"I won't let that happen to you," Dan reassured, rubbing Brian's back.

The ninja shrugged carelessly and dug around in the stranger's pockets for weapons or money. Dan stroked his chin in deep thought before grinning.

"I need to have sex," he declared.

Really, bitch, Brian thought. His eyebrows went up as if to hardcore judge Dan.

"No, no, I mean that's my plan! If the people of this world experience sex for the first time, they'll see how fucking kickass it is and the Dick Elders won't control them anymore, right?"

Brian nodded as if he understood, giving a thumb's up. Dan paced around again, an even greater conundrum weighing on his mind.

"Now, who to f-"

Before he could say more, he slammed into someone passing by. He stood up immediately to give the asshole what for, but was struck speechless. He had run into a girl with gorgeous blue eyes and long blonde hair. Even with her beauty, her being seemed made up of muted colors. She was almost gray, much like everyone else in the torn up world.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry," she said softly, rubbing the back of her head. "I should have been paying attention..."

Dan blushed, instantly reaching down to help her up. Brian looked thoroughly confused as Dan struggled to speak. He slapped the back of his head and gave him a look of encouragement.

"I'm immediately in love," Dan breathed quietly, lifting the girl to her feet.

"Again, I'm so sorry...I should have been paying more attention where I was going...I didn't even see you-"

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

She blushed, her hand still gripping his as they gazed at each other. The world around them seemed to stop and it was like they were the only two in the world. And Ninja Brian was there or whatever.

"I'm Danny."

"I'm-"

"Insanely perfect and fucking magical in every way? I know."

"No, I was going to say my name is-"

"You don't have to say a damn thing, darling. I know exactly how you feel."

Brian stood there, a look of utter confusion on his face as he watched the encounter. He expected the girl to be absolutely disgusted by Danny's behavior, but she seemed just as entranced as he did. Brian rolled his eyes and checked his watch impatiently.

"I have to have you," Danny sighed, stroking the girl's cheek.

"Not here...it isn't safe."

She gestured for them to follow after her, constantly peering over her shoulder. Dan stayed close behind, only leaving enough space between them to watch what little ass that could be seen through her loose jeans. Brian darted in and out of their peripheral vision, his speed beyond all mortal comprehension. Because you know; total badass. They picked up the pace into sprinting when the distinct sounds of lasers pierced the air. They ducked into one of the abandoned, crumbling remains of what was probably an old hotel. She led them up a flight of creaky stairs and into a bedroom on the first floor. The furniture was scorched, but still good enough to use.

"So, is it true? You are the heroes of prophecy," the nameless girl inquired, sitting down on the beat-down bed.

"Those asshole old dudes sure seemed to think so."

Dan shifted uncomfortably, his disinterest becoming evident the more they talked. Brian stood at the window, his hands gripping the railing of the half-broken balcony. He turned to Dan, tapping his wrist as if to signify there being no time for small talk. Dan nodded as if he understood.

"Listen, my beautiful blonde goddess, if I truly am the savior of this timeline, the only way I could free you of these chains of chastity that you have been forced to wear," Dan declared, his voice low and imposing while his words poetic. "Is by liberating you...and any of your attractive friends, sexually. It's what I do best."

The woman's mouth was agape as she blushed. The law of the land hadn't allowed for any type of intimacy, so being seduced by this being from another timeline was almost a surreal experience.

"I apologize; we haven't the time for foreplay...I would've brought champagne and..."

And she couldn't resist kissing him. There was something so incredibly intimate about the whole situation. As soon as their lips touched, color rose in her cheeks and her skin was no longer gray. Vibrant pinks and purples surged through the fabric of her clothing and her blue eyes sparkled with unnatural light and joy. The sex they had sent some sort of warmth through the land, which had been void of natural light for decades. There was an explosion upon climax that made the entire earth shake. Legend says that in that moment, Danny Sexbang brought love back to a cold, emotionless void.

"Thank you, Danny Sexbang," the girl breathed, tears filling her eyes.

Brian turned, his eyes wide with what seemed to be mild concern; certainly not fear. His ninja senses were tingling. He closed the door to the balcony and drew a katana from seemingly out of nowhere. He made a gesture as if to say they were in danger.

"Lighten up, Bri," Dan groaned, stretching out across the bed. "I'm sure the Dick Elders forgot all about us by n-"

The door was kicked in and three guards entered with gigantic weapons. The Dick Elders followed, looking especially malicious.

"Maybe they're not mad anymore," Dan whispered, slowly reaching for his kimono.

"You two are fucking dead," the head Dick Elder hissed.

Ninja Brian's eye twitched as he threw down a smoke bomb and the duo disappeared, leaving the girl in the hotel room. They found themselves outside, Brian running at the speed of ninja with Dan's hand gripped in his. They darted into an alleyway, lasers piercing the air once more. Brian's eyes widened as they ran into a dead end. The Dick Elders had finally cornered them. Around them, the world burst with color and everyone seemed to come to life again. Even so, they had no time to worry about that now.

"It's over. Danny Sexbang! You will finally pay for your crimes," the head Dick Elder said triumphantly.

"I can't go out like this," Danny murmured, fear making his words falter. "I still have so many girls waiting to fuck me!"

"But first, we'll force you to watch your little ninja friend die!"

Ninja Brian rolled his eyes, drawing his katanas at the speed of light or something much more badass than that and disappearing. In the blink of an eye, he'd slaughtered all of the Dick Elders and their guards. Danny breathed a sigh of relief, embracing his best friend in a tight hug.

"We did it, Bri! We saved the future! And everyone's fucking!"

Brian snapped and his magical keytar appeared in his hands. He nodded to Danny as if he knew what they needed now. Danny grinned, his bony fingers already gripping the neck of his trusty blue bass. They laid down a tasty jam, their music blasting the citizens of the town with amazing musical orgasms. In the crowd that surrounded them stood the nameless girl that aided the sexual revolution.

"Keep this world safe for me, my love. If the gods permit it, I shall see you in another life," Danny murmured, kissing her one last time.

"My name is Kristen, by the way...just...something to remember me by," she replied, stars in her eyes.

"Katie? That's absolutely fucking gorgeous."

"No, I said-"

"I'm sorry, but we have to leave now, Katrina. Farewell, my darling!"

***********************************************************************************  
"So, that's the story of how I saved the world from being mindless, celibate weirdos ."

"Uncle Danny, that sounds really fake," Audrey said skeptically, sitting up on her elbows.

"Ask your dad. That shit totally happened, right, Bri?"

Ninja Brian nodded once and patted the young girl's head affectionately. Audrey'd made the mistake of asking her Uncle Danny for a bedtime story. She made sure to request that it be about one of their adventures as a band.

"That's it for now, squirt," Danny chuckled, ruffling the girl's hair.

"Aw, seriously? What about that girl you fell in love with? Did you ever see her again?"

Danny and Brian looked at each other before laughing hysterically. The thought of Danny committing to a girl for more than a night or two was absolutely hilarious.

"Anyway, we'll tell you another story tomorrow night, okay? I promise."

"Can you at least start it now?"

"Fuck, kiddo, I dunno..."

"Pleeeeeeease, Uncle Danny," she pleaded before turning to her father. "Dad, can I please hear the beginning of the next one?"

Brian looked at his watch and rolled his eyes, unable to resist his daughter's adorable Bambi face that she made when she wanted something. He nodded finally and she squealed excitedly, snuggling under her covers.

"So, this is about the time your dad and I sold our souls to become the most killer metal band in the entire fucking cosmos...and ate a shit ton of cookies.."


End file.
